


until i suffocate

by BSKPRNT (miyuraxx)



Category: SEVENTEEN (Band)
Genre: Angst, Freesia, Hanahaki Disease, M/M, Mentions of Blood, Purple Hyacinth, Regret, Unconditional Love, Unrequited Love, mentions of svt members, semi-fluff, wonboo, wonboo but make it painful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-17
Packaged: 2021-03-09 01:21:04
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27056344
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/miyuraxx/pseuds/BSKPRNT
Summary: The first time, he coughed up a petal.
Relationships: Boo Seungkwan & Jeon Wonwoo, Boo Seungkwan/Jeon Wonwoo
Comments: 2
Kudos: 35





	until i suffocate

**Author's Note:**

> hello~ this was my attempt to ditch my modules and write a one shot au at 3am. you can say this was a bad idea ;p
> 
> ++thank you and enjoy reading!!  
> +++nothing much to say except i haven't proofread this yet ;-;  
> ++++let's be friends on twitter @BOOSKWY onegai~

**_The first time, he coughed up a petal._ **

Seungkwan can’t help but to smile bitterly while looking at the freshly coughed up petals. He did not know what kind of flower it was yet, but he was sure it must meant something cheesy and cringey.

_What was the trigger?_

He didn't need to think deeper. His love for his best friend, Jeon Wonwoo, was enough for an answer.

_Like a normal flower, it bloomed._

Day by day, Seungkwan felt so horrible he just wanted to cut his chest in half and rip his lungs out. He wanted to take out the stupid flowers out of his system. Badly. But he can’t.

He doesn’t want to forget the feelings he has for Wonwoo after all.

So, he sucked it up, coughed up a few more petals and went to his school as if nothing happened.

The more he interacts with Wonwoo, the more he suffers from his disease.

Seeing him everyday didn’t help Seungkwan to get over his feelings. _Not that he wants to._ He knew what’s in it for him, but it can’t change the fact that he has already fallen for Wonwoo. Truly, madly, deeply.

**_The 20 th time it happened, it was a whole flower._ **

While walking to his next class, Seungkwan felt something tingling, wreathing, and throbbing from his chest. His coughs suddenly occupied the entire hall and his friends, including Wonwoo, worriedly gazed at him.

_No! They can’t know!_

“I’m o-okay!”, he tried to stifle his coughs but the flowers inside him were ready and wanted to be seen. He hurriedly went to the restroom and locked himself in a cubicle.

He coughs, and he coughs, and he coughs, until he can’t breathe anymore.

_It wasn’t like this before._ He thought.

Another cough threatening to come out of his throat and then a bloody thing came out.

Seungkwan didn’t even try to stop his sobs. _It hurts so much._

Tears fell from his eyes as he looked at the bloodied flower.

_Fuck, he knew this flower so well._

Freesia.

_Now, there’s really no turning back._

_**Ironic**. _Seungkwan thought to himself one night. He’s alone with his thoughts and so he let everything flow into his mind. He just finished coughing up 5 flowers and it’s getting even worse as days pass by.

Ironic how flowers can mean love and all the pretty things in the world but at the same time be a demise and let you suffer for something you didn’t even asked for.

He didn’t ask for the universe for him to meet Wonwoo, form a bond he didn’t know was possible, and he didn’t ask to fall in love with him.

He didn’t ask for it, yet he did.

There are lots of things to think about. His life, his friends, his family, and all the things he planned out for himself. Yet, Jeon Wonwoo kept on entering his mind like he lives there.

Seungkwan doesn’t know how to tell his friends, his family, that he’s willing to die if it meant he gets to keep his feelings for Wonwoo ‘till death.

Seungkwan knew he loves his life. But, maybe he loves Wonwoo just a bit much stronger.

_Freesia means unconditional love after all._

**_The 32 nd time, he couldn’t control himself._ **

“Kwannie? Are you okay?”, Soonyoung asked while patting his back. Seungkwan coughs uncontrollably and they’re still at their cafeteria.

“I-”, he attempted to answer but flowers kept on looming in his throat.

“Boo? Are you sure you’re okay? It’s been a month, your cough I mean. Do you want me to take you to the-“, Wonwoo didn’t even get to finish what he’s saying because flowers; _bloodied white-lavender flowers now scattered on the floor. Flowers that Seungkwan kept on coughing up._

All was shocked because of what happened, there are _almost_ 22 flowers surrounding their area. And Seungkwan, the one who coughed up all of it, passed out with Soonyoung supporting him.

_Pity and worry. Seungkwan doesn’t like that kind of looks the most._

“I’m okay. I really am. It just that I couldn’t control my coughs last time. I’m sorry.”, Seungkwan, almost a whisper, apologized to his friends.

“It’s not your fault. Don’t apologize to us.”, Seokmin assured Seungkwan.

“Kwannie, we’re mad because you didn’t, y-you didn’t even tell us that your suffering.”, Seungkwan looked at his crying hyung, and he felt his heart broke.

“I just don’t want you guys to worry about me. I promise I’ll be fine.”, he smiles, hoping to conceal the pain he’s feeling. _He loves his friends so much._

“No! You are not fine! You’r-“, Wonwoo stifled his sob and grabbed Seungkwan’s hands, “you’re dying Boo… and we wouldn’t even know.” He closed his eyes and cried on Seungkwan’s hands.

Seungkwan felt so overwhelmed. His mind telling him to get operated and forget all the stupid things that happened and live a happy life with his family, his friends, with Wonwoo. But his heart, it’s always his heart that does the idiotic job. _But it wasn’t stupid._ Love can never be stupid. It’s only the person who’s stupid, not the feelings. _Never the feelings._

“I’m sorry. I’m sorry. I’-“, Wonwoo hugged him and then he couldn’t stop his cry.

The feeling of guilt was slowly eating him but his love for the man who’s hugging and comforting right now was greater.

_Freesia means unconditional love after all._

“Who’s the one?”, Jeonghan asked him the question. In front all of them.

“Uhm who?”

“Go. Keep on denying. We all know why you’re suffering from that disease. Just tell us already so we can help you.”, as if begging Jeonghan grabbed Seungkwan’s shoulders and faced him.

“Even if I tell you, you can’t do anything about it. And it’s fine.”, he smiled as if assuring them it’s fine. Everything’s fine.

“Kwan…please.”

“You all know right? Unless the person whom I’m having feelings with reciprocates my love, I will surely die.”

“Don’t take your life lightly, Boo.”, Wonwoo said, clearly pissed. “You’re important to me. To us. We won’t let you die just because of some other people not returning your feelings.”

Seungkwan laughed. He laughed until his stomach hurted. Until the pain in his stomach overwhelmed the pain in his chest. Until the pain was bearable.

“Really. Thank you, guys.”

**_The 40 th time, stems coiled the insides of his lungs._ **

Huffing, Seungkwan tried to cough one more time, with more painful seconds, to let the thing coiled inside his lungs come out. And he wasn’t surprised anymore. It’s already two months since his disease started. Normally it will go away if the person you love, return your feelings, or by means of operation. But if not, a person would usually have atleast 3-4 months to get their life together and enjoy living.

It was already two months. So, the stem must have been growing in his lungs.

_He has a growing garden in his lungs._

The pain wasn’t bearable as before, so he opted to pain killers. Only worked a bit.

Seungkwan went out of the cubicle only to find out Wonwoo, who’s standing in front of him.

“It's me, right?”

He halted his walk when he heard Wonwoo ask. “How did you know? Did Soonyoung told you? It’s okay I’m fine, this is not your fault.”, Seungkwan faced Wonwoo and smiled at him.

“Let’s try.”, Wonwoo said, voice full of certainty.

“Try what?”, at the back of his mind Seungkwan knew the answer. He knew yet he didn’t want to know.

“Let’s date.”, with finality, Wonwoo grabbed his hands and Seungkwan let him take him to wherever he wants.

**_The 78 th time, he smiled._ **

“You’re looking pale, Boo. Are you okay?”, He smiled at Wonwoo, who’s face was full of worry and voice full of comfort.

“I’m fine, Jeon. Just tired from our date today.”

“So are you getting tired of me already? Hmph. I thought you love me.”, Wonwoo argued childishly.

“Silly, of course I love you! That’s why I’m dating you idiot!”, Seungkwan laughed.

“Okay. Hmph. Go inside now, it’s getting cold and I don’t want you getting sick.”, Seungkwan let Wonwoo guide him to his door.

“I’ll see you tomorrow. I love you!”, Wonwoo kiss the shorter’s forehead and bids him goodbye.

Seungkwan went in his apartment, happy and contented.

3 months has passed by. One month since he and Wonwoo tried dating. One month of happiness. One month of pure bliss.

Feeling a very familiar yet agonizing pain, he quickly went to his bathroom and coughed up the petals, flowers, and the whole stem. The freesias grew so beautifully inside him. So he smiled.

It never stopped.

Him coughing up flowers. Him feeling the excruciating pain on his chest. Him loving Wonwoo.

Seungkwan can never blamed Wonwoo. He tried, and he knew that Wonwoo loves him too. Just not the way he’s expecting it to be.

He can still vividly remember the first time Wonwoo said “I love you” to him. It’s all that he hoped and dreamed for. Butterflies, sparks, kisses, and _flowers._

That night he thought that he’ll finally be free from his disease. Or so he thought.

That night the pain he’s feeling while coughing up the flowers can’t even compare to what his heart felt.

Wonwoo said I love you. But the pain never stopped. And Seungkwan knew the answer to the why of this.

Wonwoo loves him. But that love is the kind of love you strongly feel towards your friend. And Wonwoo, was dumb, innocently dumb, to confuse it with the love that Seungkwan’s feeling.

So he continued to suffer. To pretend and hide the pain.

He fixed himself as if straightening out his clothes will do the job. He looked at his mirror. He smiled. He can feel it. The flowers were continuously growing inside of him that coughing them out wouldn’t help. It’s too late.

He really loves Wonwoo so much.

Until he suffocated.

_Freesia means unconditional love after all._

__

**_The first time it happened. It was a petal._ **

Wonwoo didn’t even need to search for the meaning of the petal nor wait until it grows into a flower.

Purple. And the only thing he’s feeling right now is regret.

_Purple hyacinth means regret after all._


End file.
